CESNUR - Centro Studi sulle Nuove Religioni diretto da Massimo Introvigne


“I am the God of Everything:”   The Development of (Self)-Destructive Panenanthropism in Popular Youth Culture

by Melanie J. van Oort – Hall
A paper presented at the CESNUR 2010 conference in Torino.© Melanie J. van Oort – Hall, 2010. Please do not quote or reproduce without the consent of the author

Over 10 years ago, on the 20th of April 1999, two teenage boys, Eric Harris (18) and Dennis Klebold (17) walked into their school, murdered 12 of their fellow students, one teacher and injured 24 others.  Although the media attempted to blame their acts on being bullied, police reports show that this was not the case.  In fact, for over a year, the boys had been planning the total destruction of their school.  They did not target any particular enemies, but had targeted humanity as such.  Along the lines of the suicidal Aleskei Nilych Kirillov in Dostoevsky’s Devils or The Possessed, they hoped to become the models of an apocalyptic revolution of other disaffected self-aggrandizing teens that would spread like contagion. [1]   They even fantasized about crashing a plane in New York City, two years before September 11. [2]    In their writings, it appears that both Klebold and Harris each believed that they were the incarnation of the mind of God, directing world events from inside of their own heads.  The impression that one is absolutely alone in the universe, while everything else is merely a projection of one’s own mind, is called panenanthropism, literally meaning “the All is in the person.”  This paper is an attempt to understand how panenanthropism functioned and could develop in children like Harris and Klebold. 

Metaphysical Background to Panenanthropism

To date, panenanthropism is a rare psychological disposition that occurs when an individual human subject believes to have subsumed the objective world into his own mind; a possibility that has evidenced itself in some occult thinkers, [3] but also in the mentally unstable.  As a metaphysical concept, the idea probably developed out of the ancient understanding of the human person as a microcosm of the macrocosm, albeit understood within a radically monistic framework.  To be sure, the microcosm/macrocosm analogy has been understood in various ways, depending on the philosophical or religious paradigm within which it has been conceived.  For example, Christian theists from Maximus Confessor to Francis Assisi understood the human being as a microcosm of the macrocosm.  Nevertheless, when the microcosm/macrocosm analogy is understood within a monistic paradigm such as pantheism, and this paradigm is coupled with occult causality, then, panenanthropism can become a conclusion to one’s belief that the world is radically one:  Hen to Pan or the One is the All.  One begins to reason that if the All is the One, then, perhaps the one human subject is the All.  One starts to consider oneself as the only real subject in the universe.  Understood within a pantheistic framework, eventually, the microtheos/macrotheos analogy is reversed and then collapsed onto itself.  At this point, the human person no longer sees oneself as a microtheos, but as the macrotheos or the “Creative-I.”  The now isolated, solipsistic individual mistakes himself for the Divine Mind and collapses the totality of Reality into his finite mind.  No longer does he perceive himself to be a part of the cosmos, but the cosmos has become a fragment and projection of his own seemingly infinite mind.   

A Growing Possibility

Although traditionally associated with mental instability, with the increasing popularity of monistic forms of spirituality, sometimes called “holistic spirituality,” [4] especially monistic forms of panpsychism, panenanthropism is a personal belief or a predisposition that has become more prevalent and, to some extent, even accepted in some sectors of contemporary society.  Panpsychism means “all is mind.” In New Age and/or other esoteric forms of spirituality, holism is sometimes expressed as pantheism, sometimes as panentheism, but also as a form of panpsychism, envisioning nature as not only alive and sympathetic, but also to varying degrees conscious or at least sentient. [5]

For example, in the 1980’s bestseller (over 20 million sold), It’s all in the Playing, the actress Shirley MacLaine proclaimed that not only she, but also everyone in the universe was God, drawing typical panpsychic and panenanthropic conclusions.  First, MacLaine claimed that she is the absolute center of the universe, however, in such a way that she believed herself to be the only really existent being in the universe. [6]   MacLaine believed that she was the sole creator of all reality up even to the “Beatles, terrorism and the Vietnam War” and in such a way that everything, even the pain and terror of others, were reflections of her own creative mind/dream. [7]   Furthermore, and in contradiction with her first belief, she claimed that when everyone was taught that they were God, then, the world would become a better place. [8]   That is, given the fact that MacLaine believed that she was “everyone,” and was even conscious of this fact, still, had not succeeded to create a “better world.”  Nevertheless, MacLaine’s views are typical of many new agers, next agers as well as other contemporary esotericists, who believe that reality is an illusion or a dream devised by the Mind of God.   The Mind of God, also referred to as the Higher Self, dreams up successive “realities” and “experiences” in order to become progressively conscious of itself. 

The idea that objective reality is merely a projection or a dream of the Mind of God gained credence in the 1970’s and 1980’s after the publication of the so-called “Seth Material.”  According to the theories of Seth, an “energy essence personality,” who was channeled by the American trance medium and science fiction writer Jane Roberts, mind creates matter and each individual creates his or her own reality through his or her own thoughts and beliefs.  The idea that one creates one’s own reality follows from the idea that the universe was not created by God, or a god, but out of one’s own ideas or thoughts. [9]   The influence of the “Seth Material” on popular conception should not be underestimated.  According to Robert C. Fuller, in Spiritual, but not Religious, the “Seth Material” offered a blueprint for "unchurched American spirituality" to understand such terms as reincarnation and karma by providing them with a religious, yet, anti-institutional metaphysical framework. [10]  

Wouter Hanegraaff states that the “Seth Material” is paradigmatic for Generative Source-Holism, where “the essential picture of a hierarchical cosmos emanating from a generative source (a traditional Platonic concept) combined with a quite modern emphasis (reminiscent of Science Fiction) on the infinity of multi-dimensional, creatively expanding worlds which are, furthermore, created by the imagination of their inhabitants (participating in the divine creativity) on the basis of their conscious and unconscious beliefs.  These are absolutely basic tenets for large and fundamental sectors of the New Age movement.” [11]  Generative Source-Holism is linked to the concept of Ultimate Source Manifestation, where the belief is that all reality derives from one ultimate source and common origin. [12] When Ultimate Source Manifestation is understood monistically and panpsychically (as discussed above), then, the ultimate source of all reality – including appearances -- is the one Mind of God.   When the person who holds this belief understands it literally, failing to account for objective plurality in the world, then, this person can mistake oneself for the only real existent mind.  Everything and everyone else is deemed to be a projection (or dream) of one’s own mind or thoughts. 

The question is not only how this can happen, but also how this belief can lead to an irrational tragedy -- as in the case of the Columbine massacre -- instead of “making the world into a better place.”   As discussed, the idea that “everyone” and “everything” is “God” as well as “All is One” are popular and concomitant beliefs in our contemporary western society.  According to Hanegraaff, “holism,” combined with an anti-institutional spirituality that is solipsistically focused on self-development and personal “progress,” is now the dominant understanding of reality and spiritual paradigm in contemporary western culture. [13]   Hence, the metaphysical and spiritual paradigm that allows the panenanthropic disposition to develop is a common one and would have been easily accessed by Harris and Klebold.  This is especially probable given the fact that they expressed interest in naturalistic philosophers like Nietzsche and Hobbes [14] as well as nihilistic cult figures like Charles Manson and Adolf Hitler. [15]   Although Littleton Colorado at the time of the shootings was known as a bastion of white, middle-class evangelical Christianity, [16] neither the Harris nor the Klebold family had been particularly religious.  Furthermore, Boulder, Colorado -- known as something of a new age mecca, where the holistic paradigm flourishes -- was only a 45 minute drive away from their homes. [17]   Since Generative Source Holism, an idea that was popularized by the “Seth Material,” has many affinities with the paradigm of reality advanced in many science fiction novels, but also bares many affinities to the Columbine murderer’s own understanding of reality, gleaned from their obsession with the science fiction computer game, “Doom,” at this juncture we will begin to discuss Harris and Klebold’s own paradigm. 

The Doom Narrative

Although there are no easy answers, one thing that most school shooters seem to have in common is their obsession with violent virtual reality games, whose narratives are strongly based on science fiction and fantasy.  An article by Brad Bushman and Craig Anderson from Iowa State University, entitled Media Violence and the American Public (2000), claims that there is mounting scientific evidence showing that there is a significant link between the increasing level of violence in the media and increased aggression in the real world. [18]   Dr. Jerald J. Block, who writes against admitting a direct link between violent computer games and children’s behavior, nevertheless, admits that the thousands of hours that the perpetrators spent behind the screen playing games that simulate mass annihilation like ‘Doom,’ ‘Warcraft,’ ‘Total Annihilation,’ ‘Diabolo,’ ‘Counterstrike,’ etc. somehow “changed” Harris and Klebold or at least their way of thinking. [19]    Children, who are obsessed with games, become immersed into its virtual reality and start to integrate the games’ narratives into their way of thinking, blending the virtual with the real.  

Although in his diaries, Eric Harris realized that “Doom” was a game, he often said that he preferred it to his actual life and began to disparage it in favour of the virtual. [20]   Harris felt that:  “Doom is so burned into my head my thoughts usually have something to do with the game.    What I cant do in real life, I try to do in doom.’” [21]   Doom is a “first-person shooter” (FPS) game that introduces the gamer into an imaginary science fiction world that strongly resembles a Hobbesian state of nature.   Hobbes, a writer whom Harris claimed he admired, posited that in the ‘state of nature,’ a state he imagines without man-made institutions, there would be a permanent state of “war of all against all (Bellum omnium contra omnes).” [22]   Harris would have virtually experienced the Hobbesian state through his obsession with the game ‘Doom.’

The basic story line of the Doom [23] series concerns a renegade Marine, who refused to follow his superior’s instructions to shoot civilians on Earth and was thus banned to the planet Mars.  The ‘marine’ is unnamed to represent the gamer, allowing the gamer’s identity to merge with the virtual protagonist. [24]   While on Mars, creatures from Hell escape.  The virtual protagonist, ‘Doom Marine,’ is sent to stop the invasion of demons, which have killed all of the inhabitants, turning some humans into zombies.  These try to kill the protagonist, [25] who spends his time fighting demons in order to enter into new and higher levels of ‘virtual existence.’ [26]   In an expanded version of ‘Doom,’ ‘Ultimate Doom,’ a final level is created called ‘Thy Flesh Consumed,’ inspired from Proverbs 5:11.  In this level, although the ‘marine’ continues to fight demons and defeats them in his realm, in the end, they still overrun the Earth and transform it into a “Hell in its own right.” [27]    In ‘Doom II,’ which Harris also played, most of the cities on Earth are devastated by a demonic invasion and all of humanity is destroyed, except the ‘Doom Marine,’ [28] a rather depressing outcome.

In the ‘Doom’ novels, which Harris read, the main character is accompanied by a remnant of surviving humans, who try to overcome the demons and save the planet.  Without trying to grasp the complexities of this rather banal plot, it is safe to say that the virtual main character, the marine Flynn ‘Fly’ Taggart and his associates spend their time travelling between various worlds and planets fighting different sorts of enemies, but also, in and out of simulated reality and so-called reality as it is portrayed in fantasy literature.  Given the fact that the books are meant to go with the game, what the books consider reality is of course only a simulated one.  The layers of reality, fantasy reality and virtual reality are stacked together like a set of Russian Matryushka dolls, [29] so that not only the main character, but also the reader is unable to easily distinguish between the fantastical real from the virtual.  The actual existence of a ‘real’ reality is not only put into question by the plot of the stories, but also by the nature of the relationship of the novels to the virtual framework in which the ‘Doom’ games are constructed.  For the obsessed gamer, ‘reality’ is merely another aspect of his fantastical projection.  Given the fact that the identity of the gamer and the “Doom marine” are encouraged to merge, and given the fact that in the narrative of the game only the “Doom marine” survives, the obsessed gamer can begin to mistake the virtual for the real and assume himself to be the only surviving being on earth, especially as he increasingly withdraws from other human contact in order to immerse himself in the virtual sci-fi world of the game.  Hence, a panenanthropic disposition can emerge not through any conscious or intellectual effort, but simply by immersing oneself into the virtual world of violent computer games, whose narratives are based in science fiction. 

Virtual Existences

For Harris, objective reality had become an illusion.  In a diary entry, he addresses it to the ‘survivors’ of his apocalyptic mass murder:  “If you recall your history the Nazis came up with a ‘final solution’ to the Jewish problem.  Kill them all.  Well in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I say ‘KILL MANKIND.’  No one should survive.  We all live in lies.” [30]   In another entry, he talks about the possibility of a car crashing into a school bus and killing all of the children inside.  He says that the incident is not a tragedy, because it only took place inside of someone’s mind; it is a tragedy only relative to the observer. [31]     He writes:  “Why cant we learn in school how we want to, why cant we sit on desks and on shelves and put our feet up and relax while we learn?  Cause thats not what the ‘real world is like’ [?] well hey f…heads, there is no such thing as an actual ‘real world.’  Its just another word like justice, sorry, pity, religion, faith, luck and so on.” [32]   He believed that the Earth should be given back to the animals [33]   and longed for the elimination of all laws, rules, obligations so that so-called ‘human nature’ could take over and destroy itself, leaving only the fittest to reshape the world. [34]  

Similarly Klebold began to question the veracity of objective reality.  In one entry, he wrote:  “My existence is shit to me – how I feel then.  I’m in eternal suffering. In infinite directions in infinite realities – yet these realities are fake…” [35]   From Klebold’s entries, we do get a more detailed picture of their metaphysical outlook. [36]  

Klebold entitled the front page of his diary:  “A Virtual Book:  Existences.”  In this book/diary, he claims that he is going to discuss existence as he understands it.  Although he believes that reality is infinite (e.g. infinite worlds), it is an illusion that has been induced by thought. [37]   In another place, he says that he seeks the knowledge of the unthinkable and explores “the everything” -- which is probably his synonym for ‘the All’ -- through the use of his mind.  He claims that no physical boundaries block his exploration, “through time and dimensions. … the everything is his realm.”  By experiencing what he considered to be “the everything,” he comes to the conclusion that not only is everything “connected yet separate,” but also cyclical. [38]   For Klebold, the totality of reality is a holistic, eternal cycle of creation and destruction, light and dark, good and evil, etc. [39] Reality is a continual pendulum swing between oppositional states, which he believes is replicated in the weather [40] or nature.

In some sections, he laments that he has become obsessed with the problem of mind and existence.  Referring to his phenomenal self in the third person, he wonders how the “body of Dylan” had become “covered” by an “entity,” which seems to have enveloped him.   This experience of dissociation or depersonalization could be explained by the fact that Klebold seems to have had some type of out-of-body experiences, which gave him the impression that his mind was separated from his body or that his mind was manipulating his body from a distance. [41]   It is interesting to note that in some esoteric spiritualities having out-of-body experiences is considered to be a sign of having achieved divinity.  For the practitioner of astral travel, it seems as though one’s mind – which is understood to be the divine and immortal part of the human person -- is not constrained by the mortal body; [42] therefore, the practitioner feels superior to so-called ‘normal humans,’ whose souls/spirits/astral bodies are constrained by their material bodies.  Should Klebold have had out-of-body experiences, then, this might have given him the impression that he was superior to his classmates, whom he considered to have had only ‘normal’ human experiences.  Klebold’s writings also exhibit a strong tendency towards solipsism.  In another section, he says that the one, who truly exists (“the true existor”), “lives in solitude, always aware, always infinite, always looking for, his love.”

His growing solipsism could have led Klebold to believe that reality was constructed by his own thoughts. [43]   In a rather Gnostic fashion, he despises physical existence and longs to die, specifically mentioning suicide as an answer. [44] He imagines death as an escape or release that would allow him to go on living in his own thoughts.  More significantly, Klebold seems to have adopted the panpsychic disposition of panenanthropism, discussed above. Towards the end of 1998, several months before the attack, he wrote that he was “the god of the everything” and he would “never stop learning.” [45]   Harris similarly expressed panenanthropic thoughts. [46]

Should Klebold’s metaphysical outlook have been panpsychic, i.e. all is thought, and panenanthropic, i.e. the all is in  himself, in order to become godlike, he possibly felt like he needed to experience what he understood to be “the everything,” which might also include murder, especially since both he and Harris had identified with the solipsistic “Doom marine.”  Since he began to believe that these experiences were – like a computer game -- merely generated by his creative mind, then, as a dream, the murder of others would have no objective reality and, from his mentalist perspective, no real actual moral significance.  Like one of his games, and similar to Generative Source Holism, Klebold imagined that existence was one long hallway that encompassed various doors.  After one existence or life was ended, one just walked through one of the doors into another existence, where things might be better. [47]   He longed to find a room in the “Great Hallway,” where he could exist in his thoughts. [48] He says that soon “we [note the plural] will live in the halcyons of our minds,” probably meaning in peace. [49] Because he experienced life as hell on Earth, he longed for a Gnostic release.  Although he claimed to hate the thought of it, he thought that going on a killing spree might allow him to “break free.” [50] Thereafter, he could live in a peaceful room in his own mind, like in a game, in a condition of divinity. [51]   It appears that the mix between Klebold’s self-immersion into virtual reality and science fiction, especially with the game ‘Doom,’ where only the ‘Doom Marine’ survives, together with his mind/body experiments, had begun to affect his understanding of himself.   That is, Klebold started to believe that his mind was the Mind of God.  Similar to MacLaine’s panenanthropic conception, he believed that he was the divine center of the universe and that all of reality, or as he put it, “the everything,” was projected out of his thoughts.  All he had to do was to think his thoughts in order to change reality; as easily as a player changes from one level of a computer game to the next.  


Although to-date panenanthropism has been a rare metaphysical belief, often associated with certain types of mental imbalance, the phenomenon is nevertheless growing and, surprisingly, gaining acceptance amongst a larger audience.  This is primarily due to the burgeoning popularity of esoteric forms of spirituality that embrace metaphysical holism, which can be understood as a form of panpsychic monism.  As discussed, best-selling books like “It’s all in the playing” endorse the philosophy as a panacea for all the world’s ills and many ordinary people seem to accept this premise without giving much serious thought to the potentially more negative metaphysical ramifications.  Furthermore, because later school shootings and shooters often site Harris and Klebold as their models, for example, the Dawson College shooter, Kimveer Gil, the Virginia Tech shooter, Seung-Hui Cho, and the Albertville Realschule shooter, Tim Kretschmer, we must admit that something more is going on than spontaneous outbreaks of mental imbalance.  To some extent, Harris and Klebold succeeded in instigating a kind of nihilistic and murderous “youth movement” that glamorizes self-divinizing violence.  The excessive media coverage of the event catalyzed at least three thousand copycat actions, some which were successful, but most which were thwarted in time. [52]

Like Klebold and Harris, many youth come in contact with the panenanthropic view through their common use of various violent computer games based in science fiction and fantasy.  As discussed, Jane Roberts turned her channelling sessions with the entity “Seth” into best-selling works of non-fiction that promoted a holistic view of the universe, but she also had a less successful career as a science fiction author (e.g. The Oversoul Seven Trilogy), writing books that promoted the same worldview as the channelled “Seth Material.”    Furthermore, science fiction and fantasy more or less permeates western culture through cartoons that children watch daily on television, but also through major motion pictures (e.g. Avatar) and best-selling children’s literature (e.g. Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials).  The idea of the destruction of the earth or even the universe is an ever recurrent theme in many science fiction novels, cartoons, comics and animated films (e.g. Marvel Comics, Spider Man, The Spider Wars, The Clone Saga), ideas that Harris and Klebold hoped to execute.  Due to the penetration of fantasy and science fiction – including computer games – into the popular psyche, some children think that after they die, kill or are killed, they will receive “another life” and can just “pop into” one world and into another.   Many children are finding it more difficult to separate fantasy from hard physical reality, which includes real pain and the finality of death. 

As suggested, today, neither Judeo-Christian nor even Islamic forms of (mono)theism are the predominant metaphysical paradigms in the West.  Often in conscious opposition to any form of theism, increasingly more people wholeheartedly embrace metaphysical holism, where the credo is:  “All is One.”  In some circles, the embracement of a monistic paradigm, which is sometimes called the New Paradigm or the Holistic Paradigm, is associated with the ability to create a better world and, in more extreme forms, even a higher race of humanity.  For example, both Harris and Klebold held this latter view, assuming that their experience of murder and being murdered (i.e. suicide) would make them into divine beings, who contained the power to judge over life and death.

     Furthermore, in some circles, “paradigm change” takes on an almost soteriological significance.   Belief in the “new” holistic paradigm is deemed to be the way to “heal” the world and avoid universal environmental apocalypse.  Nevertheless, as stated, holism or metaphysical monism is the backdrop wherein panenanthropism develops.  After one adopts a monistic view on reality, a panenanthropic disposition can emerge, not through any conscious or intellectual effort, but simply by immersing oneself into the virtual world of violent computer games, whose narratives are based on some extreme genres of science fiction.   It would seem that the combination of the paradigm shift coupled with immersion into the thought-world of some types of computer games, where the narrative gives the gamer the impression that he or she is alone in the universe, can lead to the development of panenanthropism in juvenile minds.  Moreover, in angry and immature personality types, who have easy access to weapons and God forbid, “dirty bombs,” panenanthropic belief coupled with occult causality can lead to tragedy and not to the creation of a “better world.”   

[1] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 020011.   “I have realized that Yes, the human race is still indeed doomed.  It just needs a few kick starts, like me, and hell, maybe even (blank).  If I can whipe a few cities off the map, and even the f***head holding the map, then great, hmmm, just thinking if I want ALL humans dead or maybe just the quote-unquote ‘civilized developed and known of’ places on Earth…”

[2] Block, “Lessons from Columbine,” 1.  (See link above). 

[3] B. J. Gibbons, Spirituality and the Occult:  from the Renaissance to the Modern Age (London:  Routledge, 2001) 26.

[4] Spiritual holism is a form of radical monism, which can be expressed by the alchemical and hermetic credo:  Hen to Pan or “One is All.” 

[5] Simon Blackburn, Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1996) 275-276.  Blackburn describes panpsychism in a way that is both quite similar to ancient animism and New Age holism. Panpsychism is “either the view that all parts of matter involve consciousness, or the more holistic view that the whole world ‘is but the veil of an infinite realm of mental life’ (Lotze).  The world, or nature, produce living creatures, and accordingly ought to be thought of itself an alive and animated organism, literally describable as possessing reason, emotion, and a ‘world-soul.’  The view that man is a microcosm, or small version of the cosmos, which can therefore be understood in anthropomorphic terms, is a staple theme in Greek philosophy.  It passed into the medieval period via Neoplatonism, and became shared by Leibniz, Schopenhauer, Schelling, and many others.  Its most intelligible modern version is perhaps the view that for environmental reasons we do well to think as if the world is a complex organism (sometimes rather preciously called Gaia), whose unity is as fragile as that of any living thing.”

[6] New Age Religion and Western Culture, 231.

[7] Shirley MacLaine, It’s All in the Playing (New York:  Bantam, 1988) 171-173.  “I began saying that since I realized I created my own reality in every way, I must therefore admit that, in essence, I was the only person alive in my universe.  I could feel the instant shock waves undulate around the table.  I went on to express my feeling of total responsibility and power for all events that occur in the world because the world is happening only in my reality.  And human beings feeling pain, terror, depression, panic, and so forth, were really only aspects of pain, terror, depression, panic, and so on, in me.  If they were all characters in my reality, my dream, then of course they were only reflections of myself. 

I was beginning to understand what the great masters had meant when they had said ‘you are the universe’.  If we each create our own reality, then, of course we are everything that exists within it.  Our reality is a reflection of us.  Now that truth can be very humorous.  I could legitimately say that I created the Stature of Liberty, chocolate chip cookies, the Beatles, terrorism, and the Vietnam War.  I couldn’t really say for sure whether anyone else in the world had actually experienced those things separately from me because these people existed as individuals only in my dream.  I knew I had created the reality of the evening news at night.  It was in my reality.  But whether anyone else was experiencing the news separately from me was unclear, because they existed in my reality too.  And if they reacted to world events, then I was creating them to react so I would have something to interact with, thereby enabling myself to know me better. 

My purpose in mentioning this on New Year’s Eve was to project a hope that if I changed my conception of reality for the better in the coming year, I would in effect be contributing to the advancement of the world.  Therefore, my New Year’s resolution was to improve myself -- which would in turn improve the world I lived in.

Most of the faces around the table looked scandalized, I created the Declaration of Independence and Marilyn Monroe and the fifty-five miles per hour speed limit?  If I changed my reality, it would change the world? I had clearly gone too far.  The discussion that ensued was a microcosm of the world itself.  And while the others expressed their objections, I felt I was creating them to object, so that I could look at some things I hadn’t resolved myself.  In other words I was them.  They were me.  And all because I was creating them as characters in my play.  The classic question was asked: If what I was proposing was true, would it also be true that I did nothing for others, everything for myself? 

And the answer was, essentially, yes.  If I fed a starving child, and was honest about my motivation, I would have to say that I did it for myself, because it made me feel better. [...] How do we change the world?  By changing ourselves.”

[8] The New Age Movement, 2.  “If everyone was taught one basic spiritual law, your world would be a happier, healthier place.  And that law is this:  Everyone is God.  Everyone.”

[9] New Age Religion and Western Culture, 230. 

[10] Robert C. Fuller, Spiritual, But Not Religious: Understanding Unchurched America (Oxford:  Oxford University Press 2001) 60.

[11] New Age Religion and Western Culture, 126.

[12] New Age Religion and Western Culture, 120. 

[13] New Age Religion, 258 -260.  

[14] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 –  026017.

[15] Comprehending Columbine, p. 143. 

[16] Ralph W. Larkin, Comprehending Columbine (Philadelphia, PA:  Temple University Press, 2007) 17-38.

[17] Mark Peruzzi, The Gore-Tex Vortex, OUTSIDE MAGAZINE; August 2006, http://outside.away.com/outside/destinations/200608/best-outside-towns-2006-12.html. 

[18] Brad J. Bushman and Craig A. Anderson, Media Violence and the American Public:  Scientific Facts versus Media Misinformation, http://www.psychology.iastate.edu/faculty/caa/abstracts/2000-2004/01BA.ap.pdf. 

[19] Block, “Lessons from Columbine:  Virtual and Real Rage,” p. 9-12. 

[20] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026845.  According to Harris:  “Lots of the rooms and levels in this place came directly from my imagination.-  So you are basically running around in my own world.  I live in this place.  I mean a person could write a freakin’ book on all the symbolism and double meanings used in these levels…”

[21] JCSO document #: JC – 001 – 026189 8.

[22] Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan (Cambridge:  Cambridge University Press, revised student edition, 1991)

88-90.   See also Hobbes, De Cive as well as Friedrich Nietzsche, “Über Wahrheit und Lüge im aussermoralischen Sinne,” in Kritische Studienausgabe, vol. 1 (Berlin:  De Gruyter, 1999) 877. 

[23] Wikiagaming, “Doom Wikia,” http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Entryway.

[24] Wikiagaming, “Doom Wikia,” http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Doom%27s_protagonist.

[25] Wikiagaming, “Doom Wikia,” http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Demon.  Demons are either possessed former humans or monsters that originate from Hell.

[26] Wikia Gaming, “Doom Wikia,” http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Doom. 

[27] Wikia Gaming, “Doom Wikia,” http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Thy_Flesh_Consumed.

[28] Wikia Gaming, “Doom Wikia,” http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Doom_II.

[29] Wikia Gaming, “Doom Wikia,” http://doom.wikia.com/wiki/Doom_novels.

[30] JCSO document #: JC – 001 – 026010. 

[31] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026012.  

[32] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026006.  In another entry, he writes:  “f… mercy, f… justice, f… morals, f… civilized, f… rules, f… laws…DIE manmade words... people think they apply to everything when they dont/cant.  There’s no such thing as True Good or True Evil, its all relative to the observer.”  See: JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026010. 

[33] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026009. 

[34] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 06008.  “Society may not realize what is happening, but I have; you go to school, to get used to studying and learning how youre ‘supposed to’ so that draws or filters out a little bit of human nature, but that’s after your parents taught you whats right and wrong even though you may think differently, you still must follow the rules.  After school you are expected to get a job or go to college, to have more of your human nature blown out your ass.  Society tries to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts.  That’s what school, laws, jobs, and parents do.  If they realize it or not and then, the few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or lunatics or strangers or just plain different.  Crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading.  If humans were let to live how we would naturally it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldn’t probably last that long, but hey guess what, that’s how its supposed to be!!! Society and government are only created to have order and calmness, which is exactly the opposite of pure human nature.” 

[35] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026388.  In another place Klebold writes:  “god I HATE my life, i want to die really bad  right now – Let’s see what i have that’s good:  a nice family – a good house, food, a couple of good friends, & possessions, what’s bad – no girls (friends or girlfriends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though i want to be accepted, me doing badly & doing badly in any & all sports, me looking weird & acting shy – BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life, that’s the big shit….”

[36] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026412.

[37] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026388.

[38] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026391. 

[39] See JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026397-  “…. The everything contrast … Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. Good. BAD.  Yes, the everlasting contrast.  Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good  evil has continued.  Obviously, this fight can never end.  Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA   Fuckin’ morons.  If people looked at History, they would see what happens.  I think, too much, I understand, I am God compared to some of these inexistable brainless zombies.  Yet, the actions of them interest me, (difficult to read).  Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go far the undevelopds realms while some of the morons become everything dwellers – but, exceptions to every rule & this is a BIG exception – most morons never change.  They never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!” [39]

[40] JCSO document #: JC – 001 – 026415. 

[41] See JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026393.  “Hypnosis place – It is a sky – with one large cloud, & sort of a cloud made chair – the sun is at the head of the chair.  10 o’clock points the sky .. Below, I sometimes see myself, & the green (…. Green) earth – sorta a city, yet I hear nothing.  I rest on this chair – actually like a chaise & I am talking to what?  I don’t know it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t … we talk like we are the same person – like he’s my soul.”  See: JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026392. In another place he writes:  “After this so called ‘lecture’ the common man feels confused, empty & unaware.  Yet. Those are the best emotions of a ponderer.  The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them.      Miles & miles of never-ending grass, like a wheat.  A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing even is contrary 180° to normal life.  No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss. The only challenges are no challenge, then … BAM!!!  Realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life.” 

[42]    Get footnote. 

[43] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026392.  “Yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions, my realm of thought -  Time, Space  THOUGHT.  Thought is the most powerful thing that exists – anything conceivable can be produced, anything  everything is possible, even in your physical world.”

[44] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026389.

[45] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026413. 

[46] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026005.  “I feel like God and I wish I was, having everyone being OFFICIALLY lower than me. I already know that I am higher than most anyone in the fucking welt [German: world] in terms of universal Intelligence. And where we stand in the universe compared to the rest of the UNIVERSE.”

[47] See for example, JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026391.  Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever-existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall.” And, JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026399.    Peace might be the ultimate des­tination … destination unknown…. I want happiness … abandonment is present for the martyr.   My thoughts exist in, want to live in. I want to find a room in the great hall & stay there w my love & never.”

[48] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026399. 

[49] JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026412. 

[50] See JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026415. 

[51] See JCSO document #:  JC – 001 – 026412.  I under­stand that I can never ever be a zombie, even if I wanted to. The nature of my entity. Soon we will live in the halcyons of our minds, the one thing that made me a god.”

[52] “Columbine Anniversary Media Coverage,” Rocky Mountain Media Alert, http://www.bigmedia.org/texts8.html